Lost chances
by WindyDragon
Summary: Hisoka only has his love for Tsuzuki that makes him go on in life. What if he was to lose his chance for Tsuzuki? Will Tsuzuki be able to stop Hisoka from hurting himself in time? Or is it someone else to lose his chances for his love? Shounenai oneshot.


**I just love Yami No Matsuei :D I've been writing many shounen-ai oneshots recently, I think I won't be making longer stories very much anymore. But I hope you like these shorter ones :)  
**

"I'm happy I got to see you again." Hijiri said silently, looking towards the full moon above the sea.

"It's been for long since we last met." Tsuzuki admitted.

"I've been thinking of you all a lot until now." Hijiri said head bowed.

Tsuzuki looked at him in silence for a while. Earlier at the same day Hijiri had met Watari at the street by coincidence, and wanted to come to meet the others too. After seeing Tsuzuki he had wanted to take a walk with him, and Tsuzuki had left with him. Hisoka however hadn't really liked that.

"Were you missing us?" Tsuzuki asked then, smiling.

Hijiri lifted his head and looked at Tsuzuki. "Yeah... I was missing you, Tsuzuki-san."

"Me?"

Hijiri wrapped his arms around Tsuzuki. "After we parted ways, I've only been thinking of you…"

Hisoka was walking in a street near the beach in silence. Cold wind rippled his hair and made him feel cold. He had fallen to his thoughts, and even the wind couldn't make him come back from them.

'Tsuzuki is with Hijiri now.' He thought. 'Well, I've got no reason to go between them. I don't think they'll…'

Suddenly Hisoka arrived to the place where Hijiri and Tsuzuki were. His eyes widened in shock. Hijiri was kissing Tsuzuki!

"Tsu… zuki…" Hisoka managed to say.

Then he turned and ran far away as fast as he could. The wind blew on his face, he ran against it without stopping. Tears were falling down his cheeks and blinding him, but he still knew where to run.

He got to a landing which was on a high hill and from which he could see the sea, and finally stopped. He was panting, tears fell down from his eyes. He was leaning to the railing of the landing totally exhausted because of his running, and his legs were shaking.

"Why…?" He managed to ask from the shining stars above him. "If I lose Tsuzuki now… what will there be left in this world for me anymore?"

Suddenly a new thought came to his mind. His hand went to the pocket of his jacket and found a little, sharp knife. The silvery blade of the knife felt cold in his fingers and the moonlight made it glow ghostly, as Hisoka lifted it to the front of his eyes.

_Can a shinigami die by suicide?_

"Want me to find out about that?" He asked silently, looking at the blade of the knife.

He turned his head towards the city below the landing. Once he had loved that city, once the peaceful streets of it had made him feel happier than ever before. But now… what anymore was left from his again and again broken soul?

"Farewell." Hisoka whispered without even thinking his deed properly, and lifted the knife onto his throat.

"HISOKA!"

Someone hit his hand hard, making the knife fall onto the ground away from him. Hisoka opened his eyes, when someone grabbed his shoulders and pulled into his warm arms.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Tsuzuki cried out very shocked. "Do you seriously think that will help some way?"

"G-go away!" Hisoka shouted trying to get away from Tsuzuki.

"No!" Tsuzuki yelled and pressed Hisoka tightly against himself. "If I left you alone now, you might do something to yourself! That's something I don't want to happen!"

"Tsuzuki…"

"I know you see what happened." Tsuzuki said silently. "Forgive me, Hisoka! Hijiri was the one who wanted to kiss, not me. I was just so confused…"

"Or rather too happy!" Hisoka snapped with suffering voice. "Let go of me!"

"Were you trying to kill yourself?" Tsuzuki asked silently.

Tears filled Hisoka's eyes. He didn't say anything, just closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki hugged him more tightly, and Hisoka placed his head onto Tsuzuki's chest.

"Because you saw Hijiri kissing me?"

"There's no place for me in this world." Hisoka whispered.

"You're wrong. There's always a place for you in here." Tsuzuki said placing his hand onto his chest and looking Hisoka at his eyes.

"That place in your heart is for Hijiri." Hisoka mumbled.

Suddenly Tsuzuki kissed Hisoka, so quick that he surprised and couldn't do anything for a while. Then Hisoka tried to make Tsuzuki let go, but he just held him tighter.

"Promise me, Hisoka, that you will NEVER again do something like that to yourself." Tsuzuki said silently. "And not because of me!"

"Why would you be so worried about me..?" Hisoka asked with sobbing voice.

"Because I love you, Hisoka." Tsuzuki whispered into Hisoka's ear. "I've loved you for so long already. I just didn't know how to tell you... but now I was about to lose you…"

Hisoka hugged Tsuzuki tightly, tears were running down his pale cheeks. "I-I thought you'd hate me… if I told you I love you…"

"I could never hate you." Tsuzuki whispered gently kissing Hisoka's cheek.

"Thank you." That was everything Hisoka could say anymore.

"Come on, let's go back. We'll both catch a cold if we stay here." Tsuzuki said smiling and stood up, pulling Hisoka onto his feet at the same time.

"Okay." Hisoka said confused, without looking at Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki smiled, lifted hisoka's face and kissed him gently. "You don't need to be embarrassed."

Hisoka could only smile. "… okay. Let's go."

The moon gave light for the two figures walking hand in hand, and somewhere in the shadows someone realized that his chance had been lost a long ago.

**Hmm.. can a shinigami really die by suicide, I don't know. Do you? x)  
**


End file.
